I’m feeling really unwanted right now.
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Pills pills pills
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Hey tumblr, it’s my birthday.
But to be honest I’m having mixed feelings, naturally. I’m going to try and enjoy my friends and family the best I can today. I hope I don’t go manic or have an episode. Oh, which reminds me, I’m bipolar, as if you guys didn’t see that one coming. Woooooooo. Happy birthday to me!
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(Source: youjustyou, via sassymalassy)
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I can’t fucking stand liars.
What the fuck. Seriously. Seriously. We had an agreement. We had an understanding. This pisses me the fuck off. I know I won’t be this mad about it later, but I’m really fucking sick of this shit. I’m really really fucking sick of this shit. I’m sick of people telling me that they’re a certain way, but act another. I’m sick of people telling me they won’t do something, but they do it. Fuck this shit, and fuck people, and fuck everything.
Fuck.
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(via sassymalassy)
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(Source: y0uinspiredme, via howstubbornarethescars)
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I miss this.
(Source: hollykendall, via sassymalassy)
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I think it’s funny how people react when they find out that someone is clinically depressed. Immediately they’re minds will go to how they still have friends, and they still smile and laugh, and don’t mope around and still go on with their lives, so they have to be normal. There’s no way that there’s something wrong with them… right?
No. I would mope around and do nothing all day if I could. I really would. But what does that do for me? I feel like that most of the time, and it’s really annoying. I usually feel no desire to do something. Of course there will be times where I do have desires, and I will laugh, and I will smile because I am human, but that doesn’t immediately rule out that I’m depressed.
Like, my mom didn’t understand. She was like “You seemed happy when we went to Catalina. You had fun.” Well, I guess. Not the same amount as everyone else did probably. The difference is that we could have stayed home and it wouldn’t have been any different for me, really. I would still have felt the same. Then a few days later she was like “I heard you giggling in your room last night, who were you talking to?” Like that moment of positive energy healed me or something. It doesn’t make sense to me.
It’s like she’s trying to find signs of me already getting better, or not being depressed. I feel like she blames herself for how I am partly, which is why I never told her for so long. But she even said that she believes that I’ve been clinically depressed for a long time; she just thought that it was teenage angst and that I would grow out of it. Sounds more to me like she was hoping that nothing was seriously wrong so she wouldn’t feel like she failed as a parent, who knows. I can’t blame her for taking it personally though. I am her kid, and she brought me up, and this happened under her watch, even though it’s not completely her fault. It’s not completely anyone’s fault. Everyone plays a role in it, and that’s just how it goes.
I’ve learned how to fake happiness. You have to in order to function properly in this world. No one will like you if you’re sad depressed pants all the time. I learned that the hard way, so I had to learn to suck it up and put up a front. But all those things wouldn’t change the way I feel inside. It doesn’t take away the thoughts, the pain, those feelings. It makes me react in ways that I wish I didn’t. How I jump to conclusions, that I’m negative, that I freak out. Then I lose my friends, I lose trust in people, and the cycle starts all over again.
Anxiety and depression. It fucking sucks.
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(Source: deadrasputin, via howstubbornarethescars)
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(Source: word-collection, via howstubbornarethescars)
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word.
(Source: knowyourmeme, via romannumeralss)
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(Source: quoteskine, via sassymalassy)
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Yes. yesyesyesyesyes! YES.
(via tumblrisforlulz)
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(Source: emilybrowning, via theanimalblog)
